Forgive Yourself
by arca92
Summary: "Forgiving yourself can be much harder than forgiving someone else. Especially, when you're carrying around a sense of blame for something that has happened in the past". Can both Callie and Arizona move past the blames ?
1. Chapter 1

Forgive Yourself is a two-chapter story. First chapter is from Callie's perspective. Second is from Arizona's perspective. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy !

It took the storm 4 hours to finally stop raging. 4 hours that seems to move so freaking slow. People thought the storm was bad, well, I bet if they knew what is going on in my head they might re-think that thought. After the huge blow up between Arizona and I in the attending lounge, I stormed out, and I never saw Arizona again. It just too painful to even be in the same room with her let alone breathe after all those hurtful words we kept on throwing back and forth. So I left and never look back. As for now, I'm on my way with Sofia resting peacefully my hip back to our apartment. Or should I say my apartment. Well, I'm not sure I ever want to live with Arizona anymore. To think that she could give up our love so easily just enough to make my stomach go weak, so I'm pretty positive that I won't survive living with her.

After 10 minutes' walk to the apartment, I found the door still locked. So Arizona is not home. Which is why I'm glad, but the thing is I'm still worried. She got nowhere else to go except for Joe's bar and hospital. And last time I checked, she left the hospital 1 hour before I did, so it leaves Joe. As much as I am mad at Arizona or hate her, part of me still want to make sure that she's okay or try not to doze off at the bar floor. I mean, she is a light drinker, 3 glass of wine is enough to make Joe pick up his phone and ask me to take my wife home. So against my better judgement, I call Joe to check if my wife was there. The reply was negative. He pretty much did not see Arizona for at least a week now and he hope to never see her again in his bar especially after that "incident". My mouth broke into spontaneous smirks when my brain instantly replays the "incident" happened a week ago. Well, Arizona did cause Joe to lose his money repairing part of the bar and probably some customers too. What can I say; mad Arizona is not pleasant to meet particularly if she's drunk.

"Mommy can we go inside now? I'm tired." said Sofia while tugging my hair with her tiny hand.

"Yes baby, we may." I gave her sheepishly smile since realizing that I had been standing in front of the door for at least 5 good minutes.

Now that Sofia is down for the night, I noticed how quiet the apartment right now. No cars honking on the street, no people yelling and laughing, no baby crying to be fed, no neighbor knocking for help. Everybody still busy fixing the damaged done by storm. And never in my life had I felt so alone. Suddenly a whining and complaining wife doesn't seem so bad even after I had a busy day. Arizona, she loves to whine and complain just to get my attention. It is one of her traits that I found charming. Now, everything is messed up. I had no idea where is my wife, whether she's alive or dead. My marriage pretty much crumbling right in front of my eyes. My daughter just lost her prefect family dream. And I, _apparently I had lost my wife_. My body started to shake uncontrollably as I try to hold on as much as I can so that I won't wake Sofia up with my loud sobs.

I nearly jump out of my skins when I heard my phone ring. It plays the ringtone I saved only for Arizona. Single Ladies, which felt more, like a mockery to me right now. I still remember when we dance foolishly to the song on our first date. I decided to let it go into a voice-mail. I couldn't find enough strength in me today to get into another fight.

"Hey, it's me Arizona. I..I was hoping for you not to pick up the phone. I know it is silly, but.. but I'm not sure that we both ready to talk again. Well, I checked myself into a hotel as we speaking; I don't know why I told you that, as I'm sure you wouldn't even care. I left the hospital early, and.. and I went back to the apartment to get some stuffs. You know clothes, toothbrush, and some files. I think it is the best for us. So I'm going to spent a few nights at the hotel. Then, we going to try to talk again….."

After a few seconds of silent, I let out a breath that I don't even know I was holding. As I thought the message was over, Arizona's voice filled the room again.

"Callie, you asked me why. Why I did what I did. To be honest I don't know. But I left you a letter, on your pillow. So for whatever its worth, I hope it will answer some of your questions. I'm sorry and I love you. Always. Kiss Sofia goodnight for me. K, bye."

Once again, never in my life had I felt so alone.


	2. Chapter 2

New chapter. Again all mistakes are mine. Enjoy !

* * *

General POV

45 minutes. It took Callie 45 minutes to pick herself up from the floor and made her way to the bedroom. She had debated whether to read that so-called letter or not. But her better judgement told her to at least give Arizona a chance. A chance to explain herself. Standing at the bedroom door, Callie could clearly see the neatly folded paper on her pillow. With a shaking hand, Callie took the letter and holds it against her nose. She could smell Arizona perfume on it. And memories rushed through her brain. She still remembers the first time Arizona bought that perfume. She made the blonde wear it pretty much everywhere. Something about the smell of it made Callie feel like at home. After taking one deep breath and releasing it, Callie carefully ripped the edge off and slowly begins to open up the letter.

* * *

Calliope,

Where to begin? The last time I wrote a letter, I believed Tim still in the army and very much alive. And that was 8 years ago. So I'm sorry if this letter turns out to be long or boring or confusing or ridiculous. I'm just wanted to get all the things I've store for so long out of my chest. So, here goes nothing.

How do you come to terms with the worst thing that ever happened to you coming from the person who is supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to you? Calliope Torres, without a doubt you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever since Tim died, I began to lose my grip. Every day was a struggle of me. Tim, he was everything to me. Not just a brother but also a friend, a protector, a teacher, and above all he was a good man in a storm. At some point I swear he even tries to be a dad to me whenever The Colonel was away. So when he died, the responsibility to be a good man in the storm fell on me. I'm the only one left to fill in the gap he left behind. The thing is I'm not a good man in the storm. I was weak and I bailed when thing get tough. So I hate him for dying, for leaving me alone, and for being a person that was so impossible to replace. Days after the funeral, I moved out and buried myself with works; I did that so I won't see the disappointment in my dad's eyes. Disappointment for not being a daughter he raised me to be. It took me years to glue myself back together. It's not easy, as it took pretty much everything I had to start to feel like the old me again. Somewhere along the way, I made a promised not to let myself to be that open and vulnerable again. So I put on a facade, and moved across the sea to start a new life.

Then I met you, Calliope Torres. It struck me like a magic that kept on drawing me to you. So against the voices in my head, I took my chances and I never look back. Everything about you felt so right and easy. You made me want to care about you, want to love you endlessly, want to protect you from hurts and most importantly you made me want to be a good man in a storm. You gave my life a purpose and beyond that, a reason to dream. With you by my side, life was great and nothing can change that. And for some reasons, God took that as His personal challenge. Our relationship took turn for worse. We fought a lot; about baby, about future, about everything. And I'm scared, more than I did when I heard the news about Tim. Because I knew, if you and I didn't work out, then I'm done. There was no coming back from that. As if God took pity on me, we got back together. Happier and stronger than before. And for once, life was so freaking good. We got married and had a beautiful baby girl. And I was living the dream I didn't even know I had. Life was good Calliope. Good.

Then Nick happened, plane crash happened, Mark happened. Nick was supposed to be my rock and yet he was dying and leaving me like my brother. And Mark, he was supposed to be here raising Sofia with us but he died instead. Am I cursed Calliope? Why is that everyone kept on leaving me or dying on me? Or did I somehow manage to piss off God in my previous life. Why bad thing kept on pilling onto me? I'm just tired you know. I just wanted it to stop. The anger I had towards God, towards you and towards Teddy, she supposed to be my best friend and yet I haven't heard anything from her. The guilt for not trying harder to keep Mark alive and for letting Sofia to grow up without a dad. The shame for giving up in that wood and for begging God to just spare me out of the misery.

I meant what I said about the plane wasn't your experiences to share. You weren't there. You didn't hear Meredith crying, or hear Mark moaning in pain or hearing me screaming in pain. Part of me wished you were there you know, so that you would understand. You would understand everything that I'm going through right now. And I for once won't be so alone like I did in that wood. You know, Cristina, Meredith, Derek, and Mark, they had each other. And I, I was nobody in that group. I was the new guy, and I, I wasn't supposed to even be there to begin with. So, I had no one except for God that I don't believe in. But I kept on talking to Him because I knew you believe in Him. Still another part of me let out huge sigh of relief that you weren't in the wood. It was horrifying and it was not something that I'm willing to let you go through. It changed you from inside out. And I don't want anything about you to change. I guess that the reason I asked you to make a promised not to let them cut off my leg. I knew if my leg was gone, I won't be able to move on with my life. How can I? If every day for the rest of my life I have to live with evident that plane did crash and I supposed to be dead. 4 days in the wood changed me so much and I honestly, I can't afford any more change. But the amputation did happen. And you know what made me so mad, other that the fact that you broke your promises? The fact I'm the only one that had to live with the physical reminder of what had happened in that wood. Everyone else, they got the money and their normal self. But me? I got to live with disability for the rest of my life. So I took it all out on you. I took it all out on you because I had no one else to blame. Just you. And you were the easy target for me. Deep down, I knew that no matter how hurtful the words I said, you would still be there. Patiently waiting for me. Trust me not a single day I let it passed by without hating myself for hurting you so much.

Calliope, I thought we we're pass the hard stuff and I thought we we're finally good too. But when I saw Lauren for the first time, it triggered something in me. Something that I had long forgotten. I used to be Lauren; I used to be someone who flies across country assisting any difficult surgery. Seeing her made me realized how much I had changed in the past few years. And how much the plane crash had redefined me into this whole new person. I was no longer confident and I was certainly no longer a risk taker. More than anything, I realized that I was no longer happy. Surgery used to be an escape where it makes me feel good. In surgery, I was the boss; I was the one who made all decisions, I was the one who in control. Now, it felt more like a burden than a place to escape. So I spent less time doing surgery and more time doing paperwork. I knew that I needed some help, but I was a daughter of a Marine, I'm just too proud to even ask for help. Silently, I was hoping for someone or anyone to notice me and said "Arizona, I think you need some help". But no one did, they all too busy living their life to take a moment and to look around, even my own wife. And I can't blame them or you for that. Lauren, for some weird reason I felt like she was Teddy in disguise. She noticed me, she paid attention to me and she listened to every words I said. For once, I had not felt completely invisible anymore. Someone did know that I still exist and it made me feel good and happy. And Calliope, I haven't felt like this in such a long time. And somehow I got carried away, and it led me to make a mistake that probably will cost me my marriage and family. You know, I like to believe that even if I did something bad but it still doesn't make me a bad person. There's still good inside of me buried deep down. But seriously, who am I kidding right?

I'm so sorry for betraying our love, I'm so sorry for breaking our vows, most importantly, I'm so sorry for not trying harder to fix us and for surrender too quickly. In the attending lounge, I said a lot of hurtful things even though I didn't mean it. So I'm sorry. I like to think that you and I, we both were on the same boat but in different cabin. You might not be in that plane, but somehow you did suffer from it too. So it was very unfair for me to say otherwise. I was too engrossed in trying to mend myself alone like I always did and I forgot about my surrounding. I didn't realise that somehow I hurts people I love the most unintentionally. I guess its official now; I was no better than George or Erica.

Can you do me a favor; tell Sofia that I love her, kiss her good mornings and good nights, and tell her that everything is going to be alright. I miss her and I want to see her but after what I did; I don't think I can. At least not now. I promised Mark to take care both you and Sofia, and I felt like such a huge failure right now. Tim used to say that there's always a first step in everything. So I'm hoping to find enough courage to take one soon.

You are not going to find me at the hospital tomorrow. I took a few days off. Well, I guess that's it. And Calliope, I don't know if I ever win your trust back so, whatever you have decided just let me know.

Arizona "

* * *

Callie's POV

Am I really that blind? Am I really that ignorant? Am I really that stupid? How can I did not see that coming? I was so involved with my own problems that I didn't even think stop for a second and asked my wife if she was okay. I spent more time tried to save the hospital and Bailey's ass instead of saving my own wife. Karev, he personally asked me so many times to look out for Arizona and yet I told him to mind his own business. I'm the orthopedic surgeon for God sake. I work with amputees for years. I should know better that when a part of our body is lost, we experience a grieving process much like a death. And Arizona, she pretty much skipped whole bunch of steps and I didn't even care. I'm just so happy to get her back that I refused to acknowledge the fact that she hasn't grieving yet. God, I have to talk to her. No, I need to talk to her.

As if it was on cue, I heard Sofia soft mumbles across the room. The same sound Arizona made when she's about to wake up. I made my way to Sofia's room and carefully picking her up. Her eyes were wide open now. Her hand kept on rubbing her nose. Arizona always did that every time she woke up. Looking at my daughter, I knew that I need to fix this. I will give her the perfect family dream that she deserved. She already lost her dad, so I won't let her lose her Mama too.

"Where are we going Mommy?" asked Sofia with her sleepy voice.

"Hey baby. We are going to find Mama."

"Yeay Mommy. I miss Mama" said Sofia while jumping up and down on Callie's left hip.

* * *

AN1: Callie might be looking for Arizona but it still doesn't mean Arizona have been forgiven.

AN2: Thank you for your support. It means so much to me.


	3. Chapter 3

Some of you asked me to continue the story. Should I ?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Again, thank you for your support. I'm just a new writer, so all mistakes are mine. Since English is not my first language, you can expect to see a lot of grammatical errors in my writing. Enjoy!

* * *

Callie's POV

It was 2 in the morning and instead of lying in my comfort bed, I dragged my daughter to The Archibald hotel. Sofia was long gone; she gave in to sleep the minute her head touching the seat. The Archibald hotel detained so many memories for both Arizona and I. It was Arizona favourite place to stay. Throughout our relationship, I could recall how many time Arizona and I made a sweet escape to the hotel. What's not to like? The staffs were nice, the services were great and the room. Well the room were spectacular.

After 15 minutes' drive, I finally arrived to my destination. I decided to park the car near to the entrance. Instead of waking Sofia up, I gently picking my tiny human up and carefully placing her against my chest. I could feel Sofia's heart beating softly. And for some reason, it gave me some sort of comfort. Something I desperately need right now.

I spent another 10 minutes tried to persuade the receptionist to give me the number to Arizona's room. Apparently Arizona made it clear not to have anyone bothered her tonight. Well, I'm not just anyone. I'm her WIFE. Gradually losing my temper, I made a threat to call the owner of the hotel if I didn't get the room number in 10 seconds. I pleased by the fact that the receptionist believed me because to be honest I had no idea who's the owner.

It took me only 2 minutes and 45 seconds to reach Arizona's room. I wished it took longer than that because right now I'm both scared and nervous. Probably because I'm still unsure about my next logical step. What should I do? Should I be mad at her? Should I yell at her? Should I apologize to her? Or should I just turn around and leave?

"Calliope Torres, you're bad-ass woman. Just freaking knock already." Great, now I'm talking to myself.

One deep breath, and here goes to nothing. I clenched my hands into a tight fist and soon enough a loud knocking sound resonated against the hollow hallway.

* * *

Arizona's POV

It was 2 in the morning and instead of lying in my comfort bed, I pacing myself around the room. On my right hand, one stick of cigarette tucked neatly between my index finger and my middle finger. Ever since Callie knew about my guilty pleasure of smoking, she kept on warning me about the dangers of cigarette. Clearly, she forgot that I'm a doctor too. I knew that smoking can caused vascular stenosis or lung cancer or heart attacks or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. I'm just choosing to ignore it. I kept my eyes closed, as I inhaled as deep as I could the toxic stick. I could feel the smoke burned my throat as it made its way to my lungs. I still remember the first time I started to smoke. It was the day when we buried Tim's body. Tim was a smoker. It was something he learned in the army. He said back in the army, everyone smoked. And I called him stupid for following them. Now, smoking became a norm to me. Smoking just made me feel closer to my him.

"Of course Arizona. Smoking did make you feel closer to your brother. He's dead and you too if you don't stop now".

It was one of my early fights with Callie. Honestly it still shocked me that she could use my brother against me so easily. I knew she didn't mean it but it still offended me. Because of that I stopped talking to her for a week. Even if I knew she was right, I still refused to admit it in front of her. So like always, I decided to be the most stubborn person in the world and made her apologized.

Pain started to creep around both my legs and my lower back. So I decided to call it a night. After all, it almost 220 in the morning, and I clearly need to get some sleep. So, as soon as I finishing my last cigarette for tonight, I made my way to bed. My body immediately began to relax as my head landed on the soft pillows. My eyes now started to blink lazily as I said goodnight to the world.

I didn't know for how long I had been asleep when a loud knock on my door woke me up. After a quick glanced on the clock on the wall, I noticed that I only had slept for 7 minutes. But it certainly felt longer than that. Cursing whoever behind that door, I reluctantly grabbed my robe and made my way through hard cold floor to the door.

I didn't know for how long I had been asleep when a loud knock on my door woke me up. After a quick glanced on the clock on the wall, I noticed that I only had slept for 7 minutes. But it certainly felt longer than that. Cursing whoever behind that door, I reluctantly grabbed my robe and made my way to the door.

"I told you that I didn't want to be disturbed. What's so important that you couldn't wait until tomorrow morning?" my voice was filled with annoyance and no longer sweet like it used to when I spoke to people.

"I'm so-so sorry, but there was some important phone calls waiting for you downstairs" explained the nervous bellboy.

* * *

Callie's POV

"Lauren, wh-what are you doing in my wife room?" my face seems to fail to hide the shocked I felt the moment when I realized that it was Lauren who answered the door.


	5. Chapter 5

New chapter. All mistakes are mine.

* * *

Callie's POV

"Lauren, wh-what are you doing in my wife room?" my face seems to fail to hide the shocked I felt the moment when I realized that it was Lauren who answered the door.

"Dr- Dr. Torres, w-why are you h-here?" Lauren was basically stuttering her words and her eyes were wide open. I could clearly recognize that she was 100 per cents surprised to see me.

"I'm looking for my wife and again what are you doing in her room?" my voice started to escalate this time.

"Ari- Arizona? She's not here."

"Don't you dare lied to me again. Let me talk to her." Pushing Lauren out-of-the-way, I started to shout again. "Arizona, I know you in there. So just come out already." Lauren tried to put both of her hands on my shoulder, probably tried to calm me down a bit. "You know what Lauren. I don't care. Just tell her I said goodbye." Not wasting a second longer, I turned my heels and began to walk away.

The elevator ride down seems to be longer that before. Even though I'm not claustrophobic person, but I'm definitely having difficulty in breathing properly now. I dashed to the car as soon as we reached the lobby. I need to get out from here. The imaginary images of my wife together in hotel room with Lauren were making me sick to my stomach. After I secured Sofia in her seat, I pushed the oil pedal and drove away. Where? I had no idea yet.

It happened so fast. One minute I was waiting for light to change from red to green, and next my car was spinning out of control until it crashed into a road divider. I not sure whether I was glad that I'm still conscious and alive or I was hoping that I'm unconscious and dead because right now all I'm hearing was Sofia crying and screaming. Trust me, it was terrifying and I hate it.

* * *

Arizona's POV

"I told you that I didn't want to be disturbed. What's so important that you couldn't wait until tomorrow morning?" my voice was filled with annoyance and no longer sweet like it used to when I spoke to people.

"I'm so-so sorry, but there was some important phone calls waiting for you downstairs" explained the nervous bell boy.

"You know what, just give me a second to grab my key and I will be down there." Gosh, I'm not a violent person, but right now I'm more than ready to kill someone.

The bell boy pretty much scrammed away the moment I turn my back, I made a mental note to apologize to him tomorrow morning. I grabbed my room key and my coat and made my way down. As soon as I reached the lobby, I noticed the huge clock hanging on the wall and that the time was almost 3.30 in the morning not 2.30, no wonder why I felt like I was sleeping way longer than 7 minutes. Again, I made a mental note to go and check my eyes.

"Hello. Who was this?" My guess, it would be Karev as he was the only one that knew I'm staying here. But hey, I could be wrong.

"Boss, it's me Alex." I could sense the urgency in his voice but I choose not to ask.

"Alex, I told you not to call me or disturb me….." I'm barely finished my ranting when he cut me off.

"Hey, can you trust me on this. Get dress, and wait for my at the hotel's entrance. I'm on my way" Again, his voice hinted with urgency and maybe a bit of pleading. And now, I'm worried.

"Alex. What's going on?" Seriously, I'm really worried right now

"Just trust me okay."

"Okay." With that, I hung up the phone and practically running to my room.

I waited for Alex almost 5 minutes before he pulled out the car right in front of me. I could see him leaned forward to open the door for me. And in no time, I'm found myself seating in the passenger's seat. I wanted to ask him a question but no words came out from my mouth. A few minutes in, I noticed that the car was headed toward the hospital. So I made a presumption that it was about a patient.

I saw a few men working and standing at the ER entrance. Probably trying to clean up the mess left by the storm. My palms were sweating and my breathing was unstable. God, why am I so nervous. Callie was home with Sofia and Lauren stayed at the hotel. Alex frantically waving his hand at me. Urging me to walk faster. Well Alex, I had one leg, so I'm already walking faster.

I followed him to a patient room. He opened the door and instead of walking into it, he pushed me gently inside. I'm looking over my shoulder to find his face and he just nodded at me and gave me his apologetic smile. Well, now I'm confuses. I stepped inside the room and moved forward to find out the patient's identity and my heart dropped the moment I saw it was Sofia. Sofia as in Sofia; my daughter. To her left, I saw Callie with her eyes fully glaring at me. She was glaring at me as if I was a meal. Her jaws were clenching, her hands were both shaking, her breathing were fast and her body language, well, her body languages were intimidating.

* * *

AN: new chapter will be up soon.

AN: if you want, you can send me your advice or idea about the direction of the story.

AN: thanks for the reviews and interests.


	6. Chapter 6 - Explaination

Honestly, I blame my terrible writing for the confusion. Yes, Arizona was staying at the hotel. But, it was not in the same hotel as Lauren. Why Lauren was staying in the room under Arizona's name will be explain in the future. And I tried not to use so many materials from the show as this is fan-fiction. So you can expect to see lot of made up names.

Some chapters might be shorter than others as I want to get the story out of my head as soon as possible.


	7. Chapter 7

New chapter. All mistakes are mine.

* * *

General's POV

"What happened?" asked Arizona with a trembling voice. Seeing her daughter lying on hospital's bed was enough to make her world spinning. Her heart kept on beating out of her chest.

"Well, that's easy. You happened." Callie answered the blonde's question with sarcasm. Even if she knew that her partner hates it.

After taking one deep breath in order to calm herself down, Arizona opened her mouth once again. "Seriously Callie, right now I'm just too tired to fight with you. So please, I'm begging you can you just tell me why my daughter is lying in the hospital's bed."

"That's new. Begging huh." Again, Callie decided to go with sarcasm. Her eyes still glaring at Arizona.

The pediatric surgeon took a few steps forward and stops when she was fully facing her wife. "Callie, please. I know that you're mad with me, but please, I need to know okay. Was Sofia hurt? What happened? And are you okay?"

After receiving no answer, Arizona held both of her palms up and gently cupped Callie's cheeks. She let her thumbs brushing Callie's face slightly. Callie spontaneously closed both of her eyes and let her body absorbed the sensation of Arizona's hands on her face. She missed the intimacy between Arizona and her. The word 'intimacy' somehow sparked the memories of Arizona and Lauren together and it made her stomach churned slowly. Deciding that she had enough, Callie finally took a step backward. Her body straightaway began to tense again.

"I can't you know. With you, I can't." It was Callie who broke the silent between them.

"You can't…with me? What do you mean Callie?" Arizona stated to feel confused. One minute she held the wife, the next minute her wife began to pull away.

Taking another step back, Callie took in a shallow breath. "Be here. Watching you and Lauren again.. I-I can't, it…it hurts too much."

"Again? What do you mean by again? Lau-Lauren and I… It was a mistake. You know that. I told you that." She thought that she had made it clear to Callie in the letter that whatever happened in that on call room was a big mistake. And it will never happen again.

Releasing a deep sigh, Callie finally found her courage. "I've been looking for you. I've read your letter. So I thought that-that I should go and try to find you. You know, to see if-if we can fix this, fix us. But apparently I was wrong. Obviously I was wrong."

Now even more confused than ever, Arizona tried to take a step toward the other woman, but Callie clearly didn't to be near her as she just took another step backward. "Callie, I told you that Lauren and I was a mistake. And I meant it. And-and you are not wrong. We-we can fix this. I will fix this. For us and for Sofia. All I need is one more chance."

Callie narrowed her gaze and her expression hardened as she glared at the blonde. She could feel her anger bubbling up just beneath the surface. "No. You know what Arizona. You blew your chance when you choose not to come home but to stay in our favourite hotel with that home-wrecker. You had your chance and you blew it."

Callie could clearly see the confusion written all over Arizona's face. So before the blonde could have said anything. She cut her off. "Ohh please Arizona. Don't you dare playing stupid with me. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. And yes, it indeed shame on me. I should've not been looking for you. I should've stay in the apartment. God, I'm-I'm so stupid. I dragged our daughter and promised her to find her Mama and now-now she's lying in hospital's bed."

"Calliope," the blonde started again. "I-"

"Don't 'Calliope' me," Callie quickly snapped. "It was you who did this. If you just keep yourself together and not fuck some slut that you barely knew, then, Sofia won't be here. In fact she will be sleeping in her bed. Like she always do every night. So it was your fault."

Arizona visibly shuddered at the word "slut" used by Callie. Dr. Lauren is a highly regarded professional, not some slut. So, for some reason, Arizona felt the need to defend her fellow doctor. "It was my mistake, so can you not dragging Lauren into this as well."

Callie's lips turned up in a sneer as she took a step closer. "Wow… Really Arizona, really. You choose to defend the honour of your fuck-buddy in front of your wife. Classy, just classy. Oh-oh, I have a better idea, maybe-maybe I should call you the slut instead. Would it be okay for you?"

*PANG*

* * *

Callie's POV

I brought my left hand to cup my throbbing cheek. The impact from the slap was enough to send me a few steps backward. Being slapped for the first time in 31 years was making me speechless. Even in my wildest dream, I could never imagine Arizona would raise her hand to me like that. To be honest, the throbbing on my cheek is nothing when it was being compared to the pain in my chest. I could almost feel my heart shattering into pieces. And there was nothing to stop it from happening. I reached my other hand up to cover my mouth as I turned away from the blonde, tears slipping from my control. I didn't want Arizona to see me cry. No, I didn't want to give Arizona the pleasure in seeing me cry because of her.

Arizona's POV

As soon as my right hand making a contact with Callie's cheek, I instantly regret it. I was a firm believer in solving problem with talk. Not with violent. What's happening to me? She's my wife and I just slapped her across the face so hard that it made my palm stinging. I promised her father that I would protect her from everything. Now, she needs a protection against me. Gosh, I need to fix this. Hesitating for a long moment, I started to reach out and touch her.

* * *

General's POV

"Don't touch me!" the brunette instantly snapped as she quickly jerked her arm from the blonde's grasp, whirling to face her. Fury was written all over Callie's face.

Betrayed. Humiliated. Disappointed.

"I was right you know, you're untrustworthy and you're self-centred. And yet, I still let you in my life again because I love you. And now look where it got me. All you did was hurting me again." The sudden outburst from Callie made Arizona glued to her place. She hated seeing Callie cry, and it hurt knowing she was the one causing that pain.

"I'm so sorry, Calliope." And she meant it. More than anything.

Another few moments of silence past. Arizona could sense herself getting impatient. So, she spoke again.

"Callie, I'm so-so sorry okay. It won't happen again."

"Yes, it won't. And Arizona. I don't want your sorry, I-I want a divorce." she answered softly. Not a hint of anger or hatred in her tone. "Now, can you get out from this room? I need some space where it won't have you in it. Please?"

Nodding her head, Arizona glanced down miserably, staring at the floor. "I'm sorry that I slapped you." she said quietly. She shoved both hands into the pockets of her jeans. Tried to hide them from her sight as if she was ashamed by the fact it was her hand that hurt her wife. "I will give you everything that you need. Even-even if it include some space and-and a divorce." It broke her heart to think about the word divorce, let alone say it.

Arizona took a few steps forward until she reached Sofia's side. Learning slightly, she kissed her daughter in the forehead. She turned her head a little and whispered the words "I love you".

Deciding that it was the time for her to go, she made her way to the door. With her hand touching the door knob, she turned around to find her wife's eyes, with a shaking voice; she said, "I love you, too."

A moment later, the door finally shut with a soft click.

Tears that Callie thought she'd already cried out once again stung behind her eyes. She didn't fight them back this time as she slowly made her way to Sofia. She need some contact tonight or she might go crazy. For once she was glad that Sofia was a heavy sleeper. She didn't need to see her moms were fighting. Looking down at Sofia's tiny body, she was glad that nothing happened to her. The accident only managed to shook her daughter up. Other than that, Sofia was fine. Leaving a trail of kisses on Sofia's face, Callie let herself getting comfortable nestling her side to Sofia. Physical and emotional abused left her body wore out.

* * *

AN: I used some dialogues from the show in this chapter, so the credit goes to the writers and Shonda.

AN: I like to think that Alex is Arizona's person and vice versa. So next chapter, you will have a lot of Alex and Arizona interaction.


	8. Chapter 8

New chapter. All mistakes are mine.

* * *

General's POV

"Dude, what happened?" asked Alex while quickly trailing behind Arizona. Even though she was positive that Alex already heard most of it. Instead of answering his question right away, Arizona moving along the hall and tried to find an empty room.

Finally found a vacant on call room, she gestured to Alex to follow her inside. Once they both inside, Alex took the incentive to lock the door so that no one would be interrupting them.

"What happened in there? I heard something about a divorce. Did she want a divorce or something?" Arizona was hit with ton of questions from Alex. Usually it will annoy her to death, but now she was glad. At least someone cares.

"Yes, she wants a divorce. And-and it was my fault. I should've not done that. I should've not hit her. God, I feel terrible right now." She said with her eyes closed as she felt tears instantly spring up behind them.

"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. Now, what do you need?" Alex might be an ass to anyone else, but with her, he's different.

"I'm okay, I'm fine-"a huge sob stopped her from finishing the sentence.

Alex moved from sitting on the floor to Arizona side. He held both of his hands to her shoulder and pulled her into a tight embrace. Feeling like she had no fight in her body anymore, she crumbled into him. She let her tears soaked into Alex's scrub. And instead of pulling away, Alex tightens his hold against Arizona. The silent in the room was noticeable by both of them.

Few minutes later, Arizona slowly pulled out of Alex's grip and began to compose herself again. She gave Alex one of her 'I'm okay smile'. The numbness was starting to spread inside of her and it felt like she was on auto-pilot.

"Please don't give me your 'I'm okay smile'. I know you, and I know you are far from okay right now." It was Alex who broke the silent first. Mostly because he couldn't stand the fact his mentor and friend was hurting and nothing he could do to help except for comforting her.

"What's happening to me? This is not who I am. I was taught by my parents better than this. I'm not a cheater, and-and I'm not a hitter. But now, I'm apparently both. God, it's like I didn't even know myself anymore." she asked Alex as if he was able to give her the answers she desperately need right now.

"Hey, you need to listen to me. Yes you did a really bad thing and-and probably stupid too. But it happened to all people. At some point we all did a bad thing or a stupid thing. Humans are designed to make a mistake. That's how we learn. And-and you should know that because if I could remember it correctly, it was you who taught me that I could always make a mistake, just make sure I learnt something from it."

"When did you become such a grown-up? And thank you. I really need to hear that." She said as she let a good chuckle escaped from her mouth.

"Well, I do have an awesome mentor." He teased her hoping it would bring the mood up. And it did. He could see that Arizona's face slowly began to relax and her shoulder no longer tensed.

"So what should we do now?" It was hard for Arizona not to smile when she heard the question, especially when it came from Alex. Usually, Alex would be the first one who volunteers to avoid anything that didn't involve him. Now this? She really did change Alex.

"Alex, it's not what 'we' should do but what 'I' should do. It was me who get myself into this mess." She went on with a sigh. "And now I'm tired, so I need you to step out from this room. And-and I will see you tomorrow." Indeed she was so tired that it becoming too hard to stop herself from yawning.

Alex grinned and pulled himself up. "Okay-okay I'm going. No need to be rude." He mumbled while pretending to be hurt.

Arizona laughed as she squeezed Alex into a hug. "Thank you for everything. I would probably go crazy by now if you are not here. So thank you."

"Well, I'm sure you would do the same for me. So, no need to thank me. Now, get some sleep. You do look like hell." Arizona raised an eyebrow, but she smiled a little.

Alex made his way to the door before stopping abruptly. Without turning his head, he said "You should tell her the truth. I heard everything. And it was just a big misunderstanding. You should tell her that you and Dr. Boswell are not staying at the same hotel. Callie… She went out looking for you. And-and it would be logical for her to try at the Archibald. So, imagine her surprised when she found Dr. Boswell instead of her wife. So just tell her the truth. It-it might stop her from getting a divorce. And if you won't, I will." With that, Alex was gone, leaving Arizona alone with a tornado spinning around in her mind.

* * *

Arizona's POV.

I woke up with a sudden when I heard my phone ringing. I took a glanced at my wrist watch. God, it's almost 9 in the morning. I let my hand wandering blindly in search for my phone. I'm too sleepy to keep my eyes open right now. Once I found the object of interest, I pulled it close to my face so that I could see the caller. And it was Alex.

"Hello." I gave him the best non-sleepy voice I could muster.

"Where are you?" he asked. His voice sound like he was whispering.

"I'm in the on-call room. I just woke up. Why?" I replied softly.

"Okay good." I could hear Alex sighed heavily.

"Hey Alex. I'm taking a few days off actually. So I'm going to head out now." I said as I closed my eyes and brushed back the loose strands of hair that had fallen from my ponytail.

"Okay good. You do that okay. And-and I will see you when I-I see you." I'm not sure why, but I could sense that Alex was nervous. I mean he basically stuttered his words. And for some reasons, I choose to ignore that.

"Okay, bye." I responded quietly before immediately returning my attention back to the room.

I grabbed my coat and threw it over my shoulder. Once I made sure that I left nothing behind, I made my way to the door. I decided to check on all my patients before I disappeared. Instead of taking the elevator, I choose to go with the stairs this time. Maybe because I was afraid bumping into my wife or should I say my soon to be ex-wife. After a few flight of stairs, I heard some noises. Well voices to be precise. And-and they were talking about me. So against my better judgement, I choose to lean over so that I could hear the talking clearly.

"I heard she was cheating on Dr. Torres with some other doctor. My guess, it would be the new doctor. You know Dr. Boswell. I saw them exchanging a few intense look in the O.R." Now, undoubtedly one of the voices belongs to one of my staffs.

"Are you sure? There is no way Dr. Robbins would cheat on her wife. I mean, Dr. Torres is hot. Like crazy hot. She would be stupid to cheat." Well, at least someone tried to defend me even though she was wrong. I did cheat on my wife.

"Well, it's true. I also heard from the night nurse that Dr. Robbins hit her wife in front of their daughter. Trust me, I'm not lying."

Now everything became clear to me. Alex's concern for my whereabouts, stuttered over his words, his gladness knowing that I'm heading out from the hospital. Now everything clicked. I was back into the hospital's map and it was not in a good way. And-and he didn't want me to know that.

The voices finally stopped, and I let out a relieved breath. God, that hurt like hell.

* * *

AN: Guys, this is fan-fiction. My writing doesn't reflect to the character on the show.

AN: Forgive Yourself are far for ending, so you can expect me to throw my favourite characters some other curve.

AN: Thank you.


	9. Chapter 9 - The Vow Part One

I just saw The Vow and I LOVED IT. There were so many amazing quotes that I felt would fit perfectly with Arizona's and Callie's situation. I always wanted to write a chapter full with amazing quotes from a movie. So I made my choice and choose The Vow to be that movie. I also used some dialogues from the show (Izzie & Lexie). All mistakes are mine, and all credit goes to the rightful owners of the quotes. Ohh, since this chapter would be pretty lengthy. I will break it down into two chapters. Enjoy.

**PART ONE.**

* * *

"My theory is about moments, moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we've ever experienced with all the people we've ever known. And it's these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."

* * *

Arizona's POV

The air was cold and wet, providing a nice contrast to my overheated body. For the last couple of days, my body temperature managed to stay at 102 F. I had been up all night emptying my stomach contents, my throat was pretty much killing me and my nose decided to turn into a freaking waterfall and won't stopped running ever since. Enough said, I was having a really crappy day. So instead of staying in a room full with crying babies or paper works which probably would make my day crappier, I spent my time alone on the top of the hospital's roof. Cigarette resting neatly between two fingers as I watched the smoke escaped from my lips and got carried away by a light breeze. I could feel a sense of calm rushing through my nerves as my hands no longer shaking. From where I'm standing right now, I could clearly see the building of my apartment. I lost my right to call that place home almost 1 week ago. Well, Callie decided to kick me out actually. Something that should've not surprised me since I did deserved to be kicked out anyway.

The news about my infidelity travelled through hospital walls faster than any viruses. Now everyone was avoiding me as if I was contagious. Well, I do contagious right now, with flu. Anyway, to solve their problem, I tried to keep my level of interaction with them at minimum. So I threw myself deep into my work and overloaded my schedule with surgeries just to keep myself busy. Even with that, it still didn't stop me from receiving some harsh looks and nasty comments and not so subtle stare everywhere I went. For some reason it felt like high school all over again, and I was that weird-ass girl who incapable of blending in with the crowd. To be honest, it would be a huge lie to say that I'm not mad at the situation; after all, I'm the Chief of Pediatric Surgery and I certainly deserved some respect from my colleagues regardless what happened in my personal life.

I heard footsteps approaching and I tried my best to ignore them. The roof was opened to everyone so I could not just turn around and said I was here first so you need to get lost.

"I thought I'd find you here." The footsteps stopped and a tall figure leans against the wall to my left. Even without turning around I could guess who that was. So I nodded my head once, just to acknowledge her presence. Still I refused to make an eye contact.

"I've been looking for you. Like I said before, I'm not going to leave things like this. And my flight is in 3 hours, so are we going to talk now?" Her voice was not demanding but more to pleading.

So, I turned a little and slammed my back gently against the same walls, sighing. "I know."

"I like you… A lot. So-"

"And I like you too, but as a friend." I interrupted her. "And-and I love Callie, my wife."

"I know." She exhaled. "And I can't compete with that can I?" She asked as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Look, I'm a mess right now. Everyone can see that. So I just can't you know. I can't with Callie, and I can't with you too." I started after a moment passed between us. "And-and I'm not trying to hurt anyone. At least not right now."

She must be noticing that I'm basically shivering with cold because the next thing I knew, she placed her coat on my shoulders.

"You should take a good care for yourself you know. You are a doctor after all." Her arms crossed across her chest and her gaze burning straight through me.

"I know." My voice was suddenly much softer than before. "I'm just too tired to care right now. I miss Callie and Sofia. I haven't heard anything from them for days. And everyone is giving me hell. I know that I deserved all that, but it still hurt."

"Do you want me to stay here? If you want, then I will. I could explain to others that it wasn't your fault. And-and that I came on to you, not the other way around."

Closing my eyes, I sighed for a thousand times. "Yes we could say that, but we both know that wasn't the whole truth. I did play my part in this too." I opened my eyes again reluctantly.

"Arizona… Please tell me. What can I do to help you?"

After a hesitation, I took one step closer to her. "Just go and try to forget me. Be awesome like you are right now. I will fix this mess by myself." I never wanted to sound emotionless or heartless, but, it was the best for us right now. I can't be around Lauren and not feeling guilty all the time for putting her through this. "You deserve to find someone who can make you happy. And I can't be that person for you. I love Callie and I want to make her happy. And I can't do that if you are still here."

"Are you still in love with her?" She asked me. And to be honest, I didn't know the right answer to that question. Do I still in love with Callie? Or have I fallen out of love already. Well I could always lie to Lauren and said yes or I could just tell her the truth.

"Deep down I know that I still love her. And-and she is the love of my life. I'm just… right now, I don't know if love was enough for us." I hate myself for saying it, but I knew it was the truth. "Here she is, all mine, trying her best to give me all she can. And in return I give her pains and more pains. As a person, I don't realize that I could hurt somebody so badly they would never recover. That I can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair. So I'm-I'm not sure if love was enough. For her to forgive me and for me to forgive myself."

Lauren took a step forward, but stopped when I matched it with a step back.

"Did you talk to Callie?" Lauren replied softly.

"And say what? Hey Callie, I love you but I also hate you too. And-and every time I look at you all I see is broken promises and it make me want to hurt you." I snapped. The words were coming out harsher than I intended to.

"Arizona…" She finally spoke up after a long silent. "You're hurting. So it's understandable. Some people use their own hurt as an excuse for hurting others."

"My dad was a Marine, Lauren. I was taught better than that. I'm not supposed to be weak or-or fragile. I need to be strong and reliable all the time. I can't show to other the fact that I'm in pain or I'm miserable. And-and I have to put the needs of others in front of my needs. But whenever I'm with you, I choose to put my needs first. So I let myself get carried away with you." I swallowed back roughly, my voice suddenly threatening to break. "And-and it led me to make a huge mistake."

The sounds of beeping were making both us of looking down immediately.

"I have to go. The Chief is paging me." I gave her one last look before heading back to the door.

"Arizona…" She paused for a second before continued. "I hope one day I can find someone to love the way that you love Callie and I also hope that someone would be you."

I turned around a bit, just enough to see her side. "Maybe in another life Lauren. In this life, I was made for Callie." And with that I'm gone, leaving her behind. I truly hope that it would be the last time I'm going to see her or talk to her.

* * *

Callie's POV

My heart was beating out of my chest right now. I heard from Alex that Arizona is down with fever and it was bad. She had to push her surgery because it was difficult for her to stand and let alone to focus for hours. Yes Arizona and I were fighting and I'm still mad at her but it didn't stop me for worrying. Because to be honest, when you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because its mind that gets angry but the heart still cares. I haven't seen her or spoke to her for days now. The last time we even had a proper conversation was when I'm asked her to pick all her clothes and belongings out from our apartment. And that was a week ago.

"I thought I'd find you here." A sudden voice coming from the door made me nearly jump out of my skins.

"Geez Cristina, you almost gave me a heart attack." I said while shaking my head.

"Sorry. I'm worried about you. The rumours spreading around here are bad. So how are you holding up?" I raised my eyebrows because that was weird. Cristina Yang in my office, asking about my well-being. "I know-I know, I'm not supposed to care. But I am. So deal with it." She continued.

"Well, since you insisted." I patted the empty seat next to me and nodded to Cristina to come closer. When she finally settled down and comfortable, I proceed. "I like to think that I'm okay, but the thing is I'm not." I finally admitted. "I miss her. All the time I miss her. It's not waves, it's constant. All the time. And-and I'm not supposed to miss her right? I'm supposed to be mad at her, or hate her by now. But I'm not. It's like… it is impossible to be mad at her or hate her."

"Owen… he cheated on me once… with a random woman he met at a bar." Said Cristina, her expression was calm, almost detached.

"Wait… wha-what? How come I didn't know this?" To say that I am shocked was a huge understatement right now.

"I guess that's the beauty of him sleeping with random woman. No one knew."

I watched Cristina as she speaks, and then released a heavy sigh. "What happened?"

"He was hurt and he was mad about the abortion. And we didn't communicate. So one thing led to another. And next thing I know, I found out he slept with someone else."

Never knew how important communication could be. How lack of communication could lead to something horrible.

"Why… how can you still be with him? Arizona and I, well it's hard for me to imagine any future for us. And-and right now, I don't know whether I should try harder or just give up already."

"I guess I chose to stay with him for all the things he had done right and not to leave him for the one thing he had done wrong. I-I chose to forgive him… and it was hard. I'm not going to lie. But I always know that Owen is the one for me, and I do love him more than I love Burke. I guess loving him give me the courage to forgive him. You know to turn over to a new leaf."

"But I don't understand. How can you ever trust him again?" I had to ask because I'm not sure if I will be able to trust Arizona again.

"We are all mistaken sometimes; sometimes we do wrong things, things that have bad consequences. But it does not mean we are evil, or that we cannot be trusted ever afterward."

"Cristina…" I called her name softly and she turned her head slightly to face me. "Yes?"

With some hesitations, I finally said the words that had been bothering me. "What if I can't forgive her? I love her. And I'm always going to love her, but I don't want to love her. Because loving her right now hurts. And-and I just want to be happy you know. And right now, she's not making me happy."

"Then you don't. It's easy you know. You do get to make a choice here. Either to forgive her or to walk away."

"But how do you look at the woman you love, and tell yourself that it's time to walk away?"

"Cal, just because you let her go first, it doesn't mean that you wanted to. Sometimes when you give up on someone, it's not because you don't care anymore, it's because you realize they don't. But, if-if you still think that Arizona does care, or you still think that Arizona does love you then fight for it. You have to remember, love doesn't walk away… people do."

"Two weeks ago, I asked for a divorce. And I have been avoiding Arizona since simply because I'm too afraid that she will serve me the paper." Truthfully, even after everything that had happened the last few weeks, part of me still want to be known as Arizona's wife. Being married to her is the highpoint of my life.

"It is okay to change your mind Cal. Just make sure you tell her that." Cristina sighed. "Well, I should probably go now. And back to my cold demeanor self." She said as she squeezed my hand in her own.

"Hey Cristina, thank you. It means a lot to me." That's all I could say to Cristina. My mind still too busy processing our conversation.

Now that Cristina was gone, I had been pacing around my office for almost 10 minutes now. My conversation with Cristina left me so much to think about. I know that I love Arizona. She is the love of my life. But I'm not sure if love was enough. What she did was terrible, and it crushed me. Even if she managed to put me back together, I'm sure that it will still leave me some marks. George and Erica, they showed me that some wounds can never truly heal. But Cristina did make some good points; I do get to make a choice. I could choose to forgive her or choose to walk away. God, I wished I could see the world in black and white like Derek. In black and white world, making choices were a lot easier. Arizona cheated on me, so the right action would be to divorce her. But I'm not; I'm living in the world full with grey areas. There were a lot of things need to be considered before I even making a decision. I swore right now, I hate Arizona for putting me in this position.

A sudden knocking sound on my door brought me back to reality.

"Dr. Torres, can I come in?" I heard an unfamiliar voice coming from the other side of the door.

"Yes… come in… The door is unlocked." I yelled.

"Dr. Robbins asked me to give you this note."

"Ohh… Okay… Thanks."

Once the messenger was gone, I went straight to my previous activity. Pacing around my office. It was rare for Arizona to give me a note. Unless, it was something urgent or something that she knew would anger me if it was told directly to my face.

_Hey Callie,_

_Sofia had been bugging me for some ice-creams, so I hope you don't mind. I will bring her back before your shift over._

Dammit Arizona. Ice-cream before dinner. It would turn Sofia into a complete monster for the rest of the night. I knew it, she knew it. God, I would kill her once I saw her.

* * *

General's POV

"Okay Sofia, remember our secret? You only ate one bowl of ice-cream, not three." It was true; Sofia had Arizona wrapped around her little fingers and everyone knew it. Somehow she managed to persuade Arizona to buy her three bowls of ice-creams instead of one. God, Callie would kill her if she knew how much ice-cream her daughter indulged in one sitting.

Before Sofia could respond to Arizona's question, she saw a figure of someone she knew.

"Mommy… mommy… mommy..." She said while jumping up and down.

"Hey… did you enjoy your ice-cream young lady?" Callie asked with a smile on her face.

"Yes mommy… delicious." Sofia gave Callie her contented grin.

"I'm glad. So how much did you eat?" Seeing her daughter's condition right now, she knew, Sofia at least had two bowls.

"One mommy… mama said only one."

Callie switched her attention to her wife. "So mama… only one huh?" She said with a knowing smirked.

"Well…umm…okay…maybe-maybe not one…" Arizona answered as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey… It's okay you know. Well, she might be a monster tonight, but at least she's happy."

They both stood there staring at each other, not sure what to do next and feeling rather awkward. Not only that, they also could feel the glaring eyes coming from people standing nearby. It was like they were waiting for them to break into a catfight or something. Arizona finally pulled her gaze away from Callie.

"I-I should probably go… thank you though for letting me take Sofia out."

"Well, she's your daughter too." Callie answered nonchalantly.

"Really? My daughter huh. Funny, cause this past few days, I haven't heard anything about her." Arizona let out the sarcasm snickers which she knew would annoyed her wife.

"Seriously, you want to do this now? In front of Sofia?" Callie replied harshly.

Arizona closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "You know what, I'm done." And with that she turned around to leave.

"Don't walk away from me. Arizona, do you hear me. Don't you dare, walk away from me." Callie waved to a nearby nurse to take the oblivious Sofia away. She fastens her walking pace to match Arizona. Once they both walking side by side, Callie quickly yanked Arizona's arm roughly and shoved her into the closest room she could find.

"What the hell you think you're doing?" Arizona demanded angrily once she heard Callie slamming the door closed behind them.

"Shut up and kiss me." Callie ordered.

"Huh... wha-what?" Arizona asked disbelieved. She wondered if she heard the question right.

"I said kiss me." She repeated. Louder and firmer.

"But I'm-I'm really contagious right now." And she didn't know why she said that. They used to kiss all the time even when one of them sick with flu.

"Kiss me… please…" Callie whispered softly. Her eyes were looking straight to Arizona's eyes. Pleading for the blonde to just kiss her.

Both Arizona and Callie were breathing heavily as they stood in silent. Not knowing who should make the first step. After a few seconds passed, the blonde reached out one arm and pulled Callie towards her, while Callie automatically placed her hands around the blonde's neck. Arizona was raising her head up a bit while Callie was lowering hers. She tilted her head while still looking straight through Callie's eyes. Finally Arizona leaned in and she was up on the tips of her toes, kissing Callie as fiercely as she was kissing her. And that was it. All the self-control she'd exerted over the past days went, like water crashing through a shattered dam. Callie clung to Arizona more tightly, securing her hands in the blonde hair, trying to tell her, with the kiss, all the things she could never say out loud.

* * *

The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you've found them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, controlling how it's going to affect you. You just got to let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision.

* * *

AN: In my book, Lauren is a good character. Not a 'slut' or 'home wrecker'. And I truly believe that Lauren did like Arizona. A lot

AN: I like Lauren, but I love Calzona. So it's safe to say that they will be stay together in my story.

AN: I'm having difficulty with personal pronouns. It's really confusing and hard to differentiate sometimes. Especially when I'm trying to put Callie and Arizona in the same scene or sentence.

AN: Thanks for sticking around.

AN: Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.


	10. Chapter 10 - Part Two

All mistakes are mine. Enjoy.

**PART TWO.**

* * *

General's POV

They both were panting heavily. It was Callie who pulled out from the kiss first. To be honest, she had been thinking a lot. After her heartfelt conversation with Cristina, she had been thinking a lot. Thinking about how should she make the decision? And how can she guarantee that she will make the right choices? So here she was, dragging Arizona into a room and asking the blonde to kiss her. Hoping that she would find her answers in the kiss. And as soon as their lips met, she knew the answer to her questions right away.

"I can't… I can't…" Callie swallowed roughly. She let her last sentence trailed off and letting it hang awkwardly in the air for a moment.

"You can't what?" Arizona asked for explanation with a confused look on her face.

"I'm sorry… I need to go…" Before Callie could take another step forward, Arizona reached out to rashly take both of the brunette's hands in her own. "Wait… Callie, I love you… please, you know I love you right…?" The realization of losing her wife hit Arizona like a ton of bricks. And she was noticeably scared. She knew once Callie gone, she wasn't sure she will get her back. It was true, too often people don't realize what they have until it's gone.

Callie swallowed hard again and glanced down staring at the floor. "I think you still love me, but we can't escape the fact that I'm not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I'm not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I'm not angry, either. I should be, but I'm not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong."

"I'm not in love with her… I'm in love with you… please…" Arizona was not above pleading by now.

"Do you Arizona? Look me straight in the eyes and tell me that you still in love with me. Do those, then I might actually believe you." She stated as calmly as she could.

Arizona dropped her gaze to the floor. Ashamed with herself. How could she selfishly hoping her wife to stay after she put her through hell.

"Yeah that's what I thought…" She scoffed in return.

"Then why-why did you asked me to kiss you…? I don't understand…" Arizona asked.

"I thought if I get you to kiss me, it will help to bring back the spark I felt when you kiss me at Joe's bathroom. But I was wrong; when you're kissing me, all I can think… you and Lauren together. And-and it gave me more pains… So I can't… I can't forgive you."."

Sighing, Arizona struggled to speak for a moment. "So…. are we officially done now?"

"I-I don't know… I love you Arizona… always has been and always will be … but…"

"But you can't forgive me." It came out more like a statement, and not a question.

"Did you…" Arizona closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "did you ever consider in forgiving me?"

"Of course I am…" Callie sighed heavily. "God, I'm telling myself every day to forgive you."

Arizona pressed both palms hard against her face, really trying to pull herself together, but it was nearly impossible.

"It's okay you know… even I can't forgive myself…" Arizona had to pause for a moment. "So I understand…"

Callie was left totally speechless. Even when she was standing in front of Arizona, her person, her best friend, her partner, her wife, and her 'soul mate'. She had nothing to say.

"I-I screwed up pretty bad huh? It was all great and then I screwed it up." Arizona asked while finally looking at Callie's eyes.

"Yeah you did… but there are two sides to every story… so somewhere along the way, I did screw up too."

A moment of silence passed between them, both too worn out to say anything,

"So… I need to let you go?" Arizona asked for conformation. Even if she knew the answer.

"I guess so..." Callie threw a sigh of defeat.

"Sofia?" Arizona somewhat panicked again at the thought of unable to see her daughter again. Legally, she had no right over Sofia.

Callie moved her hands to find Arizona's and softly squeezing it. "You're her mama. And always will be."

Callie gaze once again landed on Arizona. She chewed on her bottom lip slightly. "I have to go… I'm sorry okay."

"Don't be…" Arizona mumbled, very slowly lowering her head and keeping her tears at bay.

Callie was long gone by now. But Arizona opted to stay in that room. Trying to understand the magnitude of the situation. Callie had made her decision. Even if it upset her, she knew Callie did make a right decision. So she couldn't be mad at her for that. And the worst part of it, her parents were still oblivious with her current situation. She knew her parents were the type of parents that would bend for their daughter. But how much can a person bend before they finally break. Her father raised her to be an honourable person, but she'd failed at that. So she would understand if they hate her too once she told them the truth. Taking a few minutes to gather her courage, she dialled the number she knew by heart.

"Mom?" Arizona's voice is hoarse and broken from sobbing.


End file.
